the rack and the screw

Who’s Afraid of the Hairy Lesbian Cat-Lady?

Posted in feminism, pop culture, something queer by bellareve on May 1, 2009

Not me. I always thought this anti-feminist insult to be so absurd and ineffective. As if the person saying it expects me to feel demoralized and shitty and disgusting. But why would I? 

I love cats. I have two and plan to have more, Grey Gardens style, once I settle down. (Unlike Little Edie I’ll take care of mine)

We already know how I feel about body hair…see previous posts.

And I also love lesbians. I ultimately want to be with a woman.

So technically, becoming a hairy lesbian cat lady, or the thought of being with one, makes me happy. Which is the total opposite of the way the anti-feminists want me to feel when I hear that insult. Maybe time to come up with something new?

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Bisexual & Bipolar Stereotypes Overlap

Posted in feminism, mental health/madness, something queer by bellareve on April 14, 2009

I’ve noticed that there are similar and  recurring themes, stereotypes, and discourse about bisexual women and women with certain mood disorders (particularly borderline & bipolar) 

Members of both groups are often accused of:

* being manipulative to loved ones (including lying and cheating)

* being unpredictable and impulsive (what will the crazy bitch do next?) 

* being unable to form healthy, stable relationships

* behaving wildly or dramatically (sleeping around, drinking a lot, doing drugs, etc)

* being heartbreakers, abusers, and in general fucked-up (yet exciting!) women to stay away from, lest they ruin your life

Think about how many times you’ve heard variations of “sex with damaged/bi girls (and hey, strippers too) is awesome, but don’t get too close or marry them or take them home to mom.” This is pernicious, stigmatizing, and objectifying. And it doesn’t seem to apply to bisexual or bipolar men. (Although they have their own set of myths & stereotypes)

Does this stem from the expectation that individuals with mental disorders are violent and harmful? For instance, many think that people with schizophrenia are dangerous, but studies suggest they are actually more likely to be victims of crime than perpetrators. When women are added to the equation (and I say added because men are the default) the threat of physical violence is turned into emotional violence. Mentally ill women become “monsters” who wreck family ties with their “attention seeking” stunts.

And bisexual women will totally fuck someone else behind your back! Just ask a guy or a lesbian who has been betrayed. You see, bi girls are unfit for long term commitments. Better have that hot threesome and discard them!

love money sex

Posted in feminism, something queer by bellareve on March 29, 2009

I have often wondered how much truth there is to the stereotype that straight women are sooooo super attracted to rich guy$!!! The whole thing about money as an aphrodisiac, and about females as biologically programmed to seek males who “have resources” and “can provide” etc.

I suspect very little. 

I am not a straight woman, so I wouldn’t know for sure. But I have dated people of both genders, and I can say unequivocally that of all my partners, the poor ones treated me a lot better than the ones with money.  And really, I have been in relationships with some broke people. They were always kinder to me than the financially well-off ones* who tended to:

a) spend in an effort to have control over me/manipulate me

b) make me feel guilty about not having enough of my own money to buy gifts, dinner, etc.

c) act suspicious that I was ‘using them’ for money

*This pattern, in my experience, was the same whether my partner was male or female.

C is extra funny and inaccurate, because I have never ruled out potential partners based on how rich/poor they are. My level of physical attraction or commitment to a person has nothing to do with wealth, and expensive shit just doesn’t impress me. Now, one could accuse me of being superficial on other accounts…I am very picky regarding physical appearence. Cute face or forget it.

BDSM & “mental health”

Posted in blogwars, feminism, mental health/madness, sexual pleasure, sexual violence, something queer by bellareve on February 19, 2009

I’m not going to talk much about BDSM, except for this: The idea that women who like it are sick and need “mental help”/therapy.

Guess what? The mental health establishment is not always kind or helpful to women (or queers). Not even in 2009!!!! The institution you recommend is not exactly grounded in feminism. Although psychology and psychiatry can and have benefited some suffering people tremendously, they have also historically been coercive, violent, misogynist, and homophobic. So I wouldn’t dream of telling a stranger on the internet that she “needed” therapy. Disrespectful, for one thing. 

Now if you wanna talk about how fucked up and sick SOCIETY is, have at it, because that is another story.

Agency

Posted in blogwars, feminism, mental health/madness, sex work, something queer by bellareve on February 19, 2009

Here’s another topic that I feel gets drastically simplified in the ol’ sex debates. 

In one corner, we have some rad fems (like Twisty) who insist that, in a patriarchy, women have no agency. Zip, zero, nada. We might as well be inanimate objects batted about by our Overlords.

The other corner says women do have agency, and get mad over and over again when this is denied. They don’t really buy the whole patriarchy concept at all, and treat it like an wacky, irrational conspiracy theory wielded by mean-spirited womyn on the internet.

Once again, I’m not comfortable with either position.

I am comfortable with saying this: many of the world’s women don’t have agency, because they are impoverished, enslaved, institutionalized, and/or incarcerated. Agency can also be limited by things like financial duress, lack of educational/health resources, and being of a marginalized race or sexual orientation. Also, I cannot speak for other survivors, but I felt my agency was nonexistent when I was in an abusive relationship. And I do not speak for others with disabilities, but I feel that my mood disorder significantly limits my agency. 

On the other hand, there are women with the luck, privilege, and resources to have agency. And if a woman tells me she’s free, my instinct is to believe & trust her. Also, I would need to see some type of solid evidence that patriarchy erases all agency for every single person born female before I could get on board with that. It’s not something I can just take as a given if you say it enough.